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I want to share with you one of the amazing tools that help me think positivelyrituals. If you think about it, every day we practice a lot of rituals – which are basically routines, or actions that we do over and over again, day after day, because they make us feel good and they fill our day. Here are some of my rituals:

  1. Every day I drink coffee with my wife after feeding Noam
  2. Praying the “I confess” – a prayer of gratitude to god for the privilege to get up in the morning
  3. Every day I practice meditation / guided imagery / positive mantras
  4. Video call with parents and then with my grandmother
  5. Watching a funny show

 

A ritual for me is like an anchor. Even the most simple ritual of “morning coffee” with my wife Tali, is an action whose repetitiveness creates a better connection between us. Because we are so used to drinking coffee together every morning, we don’t see ourselves waking up without the shared experience of having a morning conversation while sipping our coffee. Before I met Tali I never drank coffee in the morning. It was not “my thing”. There was one moment when we were just starting to go out together, Tali asked me if I wanted to have coffee with her. I remember a fraction of a second when I asked myself: Do I really want to drink coffee? Do I need it? I did not really need that coffee shot, but I saw in the situation an opportunity to create a shared experience, an opportunity to experience the morning as Tali experiences it. As time went on, I felt like I was connecting to the new ritual…slowly. At that time, our connection also became stronger, and the relationship strengthened because the new ritual created a quality time that is only ours.

 

Has Tali changed in the process? I believe the answer is “yes”. Tali always stressed that during coffee she needs her quiet time. She had to get updated on her Facebook and Instagram feeds. Admittedly, as soon as I joined the coffee experience, I suddenly made her turn her attention to me; Suddenly from a “serenity now with social media” situation, it became our special time of day – our quality time. Today, when we have Noam, we introduced him to our shared coffee routine. This can be manifested in taking him on a tour in the kitchen and explaining to him how we make coffee, even though he does not understand what we want from him (LOL), it is still amusing to him; It can also be manifested in the fact that one of us feeds it, and the other drinks coffee at the same time, and so even if we both don’t get a chance to drink coffee at the same time, we are still together experiencing the moment together. Experiencing the present, in it’s essence.

 

The ritual has another role for me – it gives a sense of security and stability. When I decide I want to add a ritual into my life, there is a lot of sense of independence in it because I choose that a certain routine is important enough for me to do it over and over again, day after day. When I decide that a certain routine makes me feel good, and I want it to be repeated again tomorrow as well, I actually define what actions will make me feel good, how this ritual will look like, and what this ritual says about me. There is a lot of choice in this, and choice is a very significant component in giving a sense of stability in life.

 

After all, what is the basic definition of our lives, if not a collection of moments? There are so many moments in the lives of all of us that we have no control over. When we define what positive and joyful rituals we want to bring into our lives, we proactively create positivity. I really liked a sentence I heard from my dad:

 

“We have to create the joys ourselves because the bad things will happen whether we like it or not.”

morning coffee
I want to share with you one of the amazing tools that help me think positively - rituals. If you think about it, every day we practice a lot of rituals - which are basically routines, or actions that we do over and over again, day after day, because they make us feel good and they fill our day. Here are some of my rituals: Every day I drink coffee with my wife after feeding Noam Praying the "I confess" - a prayer of gratitude to god for the privilege to get up in the morning Every day I practice meditation / guided imagery / positive mantras Video call with parents and then with my grandmother Watching a funny show   A ritual for me is like an anchor. Even the most simple ritual of "morning coffee" with my wife Tali, is an action whose repetitiveness creates a better connection between us. Because we are so used to drinking coffee together every morning, we don’t see ourselves waking up without the shared experience of having a morning conversation while sipping our coffee. Before I met Tali I never drank coffee in the morning. It was not “my thing”. There was one moment when we were just starting to go out together, Tali asked me if I wanted to have coffee with her. I remember a fraction of a second when I asked myself: Do I really want to drink coffee? Do I need it? I did not really need that coffee shot, but I saw in the situation an opportunity to create a shared experience, an opportunity to experience the morning as Tali experiences it. As time went on, I felt like I was connecting to the new ritual…slowly. At that time, our connection also became stronger, and the relationship strengthened because the new ritual created a quality time that is only ours.   Has Tali changed in the process? I believe the answer is “yes”. Tali always stressed that during coffee she needs her quiet time. She had to get updated on her Facebook and Instagram feeds. Admittedly, as soon as I joined the coffee experience, I suddenly made her turn her attention to me; Suddenly from a “serenity now with social media” situation, it became our special time of day - our quality time. Today, when we have Noam, we introduced him to our shared coffee routine. This can be manifested in taking him on a tour in the kitchen and explaining to him how we make coffee, even though he does not understand what we want from him (LOL), it is still amusing to him; It can also be manifested in the fact that one of us feeds it, and the other drinks coffee at the same time, and so even if we both don’t get a chance to drink coffee at the same time, we are still together experiencing the moment together. Experiencing the present, in it’s essence.   The ritual has another role for me - it gives a sense of security and stability. When I decide I want to add a ritual into my life, there is a lot of sense of independence in it because I choose that a certain routine is important enough for me to do it over and over again, day after day. When I decide that a certain routine makes me feel good, and I want it to be repeated again tomorrow as well, I actually define what actions will make me feel good, how this ritual will look like, and what this ritual says about me. There is a lot of choice in this, and choice is a very significant component in giving a sense of stability in life.   After all, what is the basic definition of our lives, if not a collection of moments? There are so many moments in the lives of all of us that we have no control over. When we define what positive and joyful rituals we want to bring into our lives, we proactively create positivity. I really liked a sentence I heard from my dad:   "We have to create the joys ourselves because the bad things will happen whether we like it or not."
Ofer Langer

Ofer Langer

My name is Ofer Langer, in 1 year I lost both my wife due to cancer and my brother to post-trauma. Throughout my mourning process, I discovered tools to look at the things that happened to me through a different prism. My wish is to pass on all the tools for positive thinking as an integral part of their legacy. Thus, I initiated this site to offer these wonderful tools for positive thinking for the general public, and to allow people all over the world and from all walks of life to find a place of peace, optimism, and inner enlightenment.

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