I want to share with you the dream I had about my brother.
It was the night of February 26-27, 2022. I remember being at my cousins’ family event from my father’s side of the family. I looked at the clothing details of my cousins and their sons: black suits and buttoned white shirts. They arranged their suits, as if preparing for the main part of the event.
On the other side of the room I suddenly noticed my brother Chen, who only about two years ago committed suicide following post-trauma. He was surrounded by all his good friends, beautiful, and radiating happiness. As if he looked at his best, without the post-trauma, without the demons running around in his head and bringing him to the edge of his life. Simply happy. I literally examined his facial-expression, I saw how he was at his best.
Then I asked myself, “What will I ask him after I haven’t seen him for such a long time?” The first question that came to my mind was, “Why did you commit suicide?” Then I became angry with myself, about how the first question is not: “Is it good for you where you are?” I began to ponder with myself in the dream, which question is the better of the two. I started with the second question, and Chen answered back without moving his lips. As if conveying the message through me. As if I knew within myself the answer to the question, without seeing him actually moving his lips.
“In the next world I feel good. In the next world you understand why you ended your journey, your life. All the points suddenly connect to one line. In the next world you see the future, the past and also the present. In the next world you understand why everything that happened to you in life happened. You understand why the events that happened to you invited themselves into your life, and what you were supposed to learn from each of the events you experienced. You understand why you succeeded, why you failed. Everything is suddenly clear to you. The story of your life and the questions you always asked yourself hidden in every event. “
“In the next world you are no longer a body, you are a pure soul. Nothing that hurt you a moment before you came to the world to come simply no longer exists. You are a pure entity, and therefore you can not feel any pain.”
It did not surprise me that these were my brother’s words. I got this approach about our body and consciousness in the next world from the book “Dying to Be Me: My Journey from Cancer, to Near Death, to True Healing” by the author Anita Moorjani. I believe my brother’s words resonated with this perception I read in Anita Moorjani’s book.
Then I asked my brother: “Why did you commit suicide?”, And he replied simply: “Because I have already suffered here…”
At this point, I felt I had to spend some time with my brother. I found myself walking with him in Rabin Square in Tel Aviv, in the cafes where my brother loved to sit and enjoy the Tel Aviv atmosphere. During the difficult times when my brother suffered from the post-trauma that accompanied him for 11 years, after the attack at the Bar-Noar youth shelter, my brother was unable to sit in coffee shops with his back to the front door. This is for fear that the killer will enter and shoot him once again. This time, my brother sat relaxed, without any worries, enjoying the coffee, connected to the Tel Aviv vibe, looking at the Rabin-Square and the passers-by enjoying a calm and peaceful day. My brother was calmer than ever.
I woke up around 3:00 at night, so overwhelmed by the dream that my tears were wetting the pillow I was sleeping on. At this time of the night usually, my little newborn son wakes up to his pleasant dinner. My wife fed him and I decided to share with her the dream I experienced at night. As I told her the details of the dream, I cried again…
After I finished telling her the details of the dream, my wife asked me, “Do you know why you had this dream?” I said absolutely and replied, “I think this is my brother’s way of asking me to tell our little son about it.”
The next day, I found the time that felt right to me, and told my little son about my brother Chen, while showing him pictures of good times from Chen’s life.
What did I learn from all this?
- When you have powerful dreams – write them down immediately after you wake up, and try to understand their meaning. There is no right or wrong, but what feels right to you.
- When you have such powerful dreams – share them with your beloved ones, the people you trust. Sometimes through the story of the dream, additional meanings will arise
- Listen to your heart – sometimes this connection will bring you closer to yourself.
Here is another article I wrote, about how I stopped being afraid of nightmares.